I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
