It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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