i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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