WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So much rum. So many feels.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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