Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
