xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
