I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
