sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize