i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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