Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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