i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
