I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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