Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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