I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
