I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
