I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My penis needs a shock collar
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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