Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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