Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
