some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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