She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
