Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
