just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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