she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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