its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
