If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
