Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
