I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
