you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
