Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
