The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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