so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
