I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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