Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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