Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
