if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
