It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
