Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's blow job season.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
