WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
