Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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