Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
