Soap is not a condiment
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm passing your future prison.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
