I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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