I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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