This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
