the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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