she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
