Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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