What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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