well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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