are you still at the devil's house?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
