worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
