I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Your cock deserves a montage
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
