well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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