Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
