people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
