You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize