Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The uberlube is also flammable
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
