I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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