fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
