my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
