I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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