Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
