I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
