You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
