Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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