how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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