i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
