It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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