but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
