I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
