We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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