Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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