So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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